I have struggled for some time now with "how much do I share on this blog?" and "Do I want it to be a more serious blog or a carefree blog?" I think I have finally decided that I will share however much I feel like sharing that day and since no one reads it anyway (except you Travis!) I will share both serious thoughts and crazy comments.
Joel and I decided we needed a few days away from it all...ok, I decided he needed time away from work and I needed time with him away from everything. :) So we are going to Wyoming tomorrow night and not coming back until Saturday evening. We would stay until Sunday but its Easter/Resurrection Sunday and I don't want to miss that with my family...even if we are going bowling instead of having a traditional large meal, lol!
I am SO excited for this time away. We have nothing planned for two entire days (other than sitting in the hot springs, of course!). I'm looking forward to just relaxing with my Hubbin all day long! I'm sure we will come home with tons of pictures and wonderful stories (both stories for sharing and stories not for sharing...). I'm so THANKFUL that we are able to do this right now-financially and emotionally. I think it will be really good for us.
If you think of it please pray that we have a wonderfully rejuvenating two days! :)
I am so emotionally worn down right now that I cannot think of a better way to spend two days than doing nothing with my Hubbin. And I know he is physically exhausted from working so many hours as well as emotionally drained from the last month of madness.
On To Other Topics:
Mom's stem cells never moved out into her bloodstream last week so they gave her a "mobilizer" shot (one every night) and finally got to "harvest" some cells today. She is staying in Denver at the hotel now as it is too draining for her to drive back and forth twice in a day or to stay down there all day with nowhere to rest. She posted a pretty good picture of the "international harvester" used to gather her cells on Facebook that you should check out.
We have spoken with Glen and Linda (mostly Linda) via skype twice now and I cannot tell you how GOOD it is to see them and hear their voices. They are very interested in how things are going here and how everyone is doing. (So if you are one of those people that haven't contacted them since they left maybe you should shoot them an email at glenandlinda@hotmail.com). We told them about Joel's neck and my thyroid and Mom's progress and moving steal with Kirk. It was such a good conversation despite being cut off several times(they have REALLY bad Internet connection for live feeds).
We planted (ok I planted all but one all by myself) 10 rose bushes (ok they are tiny stick stubs right now, but we are hoping! lol) on Sunday. I also planted the entire bag of tulips that I meant to plant last fall but never got to...we will see if they come up or not. I glued a layer of bricks around the tree in the front yard as well. Sunday was a really productive day despite my not getting any Dairy Queen! lol.
I still have yet to go through all of the papers on my dining room table...maybe when we get back from our weekend I will get it done. But the windows in our bedroom are completely painted!
I will write when we return! :)
My Hubbin and I
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Paint Chip
I have debated how much to share on this blog, but since I know no one reads it I guess it doesn’t matter…
Joel got a paint chip in his neck at work a few weeks ago and that has been the overall theme for the last week:
1) I FINALLY convinced him to go to the doctor last Wednesday and Doc Wilson told him he needed it taken out but that it was no hurry because it was already enclosed in a “scar tissue sack.” Doc Wilson referred him to a specialist.
2) Called the specialist and set up the appointment for Monday (last night) at 5:30 PM.
3) Thursday Jesse is at the trucking yard and asks me to email Brandon all of the doctor’s info and all of the specialist’s info so Sherita in Denver has it for the workman’s comp claim. I gladly obliged…a few hours later I got a phone call from Denver-I got in trouble for making the doctor appointment instead of going through Sherita in Denver. I was told all workman’s comp claims have to go through Sherita who will make the doctor’s appointments. I didn’t think it was worth my time to argue with the guy since he didn’t even read the email well enough to know who was actually hurt (he thought Brandon was the one hurt, which means he read the email all wrong in the first place…ugh). Needless to say this made me angry because I didn’t make the appointment, Joel did. I just happen to have all of the information for the doctor because I’m married to Joel…I swear communication in Ensign sucks!
4) I guess Thursday was a long day for Joel too, he and all those in the shop when the incident happened had to take a UA. Then later Jose broke his tooth so the safety guy had to come back again and they all had to fill out more forms.
5) Friday Joel had to go to the workman’s comp doctor…who just happens to be in the same practice as Doc Wilson (same company/group different building). So all he did was pull up the info from Joel’s visit to Doc Wilson on Wednesday….so ridiculous!
6) Monday (yesterday) Joel went to the specialist. He was told to be there at 5:00 to fill out paperwork for his appointment at 5:30. Well he was done with the paperwork by 5:15 and didn’t get called back for the nurse to weigh him etc until 6:15. Then we sat in the room in the back until 7:15 waiting for the specialist to take five minutes to look at his neck, order a CT scan and surgery to remove it….ugh! Then we had to go sit with their scheduling person for fifteen minutes. We didn’t get out of there for two and a half hours! 2 ½ HOURS! Ridiculous!
7) And now we are waiting for the scheduling lady to call and tell us when his surgery will be because wonderful Sherita who has to be notified of everything and schedule appointments for Joel since its workman’s comp failed to fax the specialist the workman’s comp insurance information before she went home last night! Geesh! She had all of their information too because I got yelled at for emailing it to Brandon who passed it on to Greg who sent it to someone else who yelled at me and then sent it to her! Jimmeny Christmas people! Ugh.
I think “Ugh” pretty much sums up what I feel about the whole thing right now.
To top that off Mom’s numbers never spiked high enough for them to harvest cells last week so she had to start over on Sunday! This whole week just sucks, plain and simple. Maybe I just have a chip on my shoulder...lol! Nope, that's Joel! hehe.
Joel got a paint chip in his neck at work a few weeks ago and that has been the overall theme for the last week:
1) I FINALLY convinced him to go to the doctor last Wednesday and Doc Wilson told him he needed it taken out but that it was no hurry because it was already enclosed in a “scar tissue sack.” Doc Wilson referred him to a specialist.
2) Called the specialist and set up the appointment for Monday (last night) at 5:30 PM.
3) Thursday Jesse is at the trucking yard and asks me to email Brandon all of the doctor’s info and all of the specialist’s info so Sherita in Denver has it for the workman’s comp claim. I gladly obliged…a few hours later I got a phone call from Denver-I got in trouble for making the doctor appointment instead of going through Sherita in Denver. I was told all workman’s comp claims have to go through Sherita who will make the doctor’s appointments. I didn’t think it was worth my time to argue with the guy since he didn’t even read the email well enough to know who was actually hurt (he thought Brandon was the one hurt, which means he read the email all wrong in the first place…ugh). Needless to say this made me angry because I didn’t make the appointment, Joel did. I just happen to have all of the information for the doctor because I’m married to Joel…I swear communication in Ensign sucks!
4) I guess Thursday was a long day for Joel too, he and all those in the shop when the incident happened had to take a UA. Then later Jose broke his tooth so the safety guy had to come back again and they all had to fill out more forms.
5) Friday Joel had to go to the workman’s comp doctor…who just happens to be in the same practice as Doc Wilson (same company/group different building). So all he did was pull up the info from Joel’s visit to Doc Wilson on Wednesday….so ridiculous!
6) Monday (yesterday) Joel went to the specialist. He was told to be there at 5:00 to fill out paperwork for his appointment at 5:30. Well he was done with the paperwork by 5:15 and didn’t get called back for the nurse to weigh him etc until 6:15. Then we sat in the room in the back until 7:15 waiting for the specialist to take five minutes to look at his neck, order a CT scan and surgery to remove it….ugh! Then we had to go sit with their scheduling person for fifteen minutes. We didn’t get out of there for two and a half hours! 2 ½ HOURS! Ridiculous!
7) And now we are waiting for the scheduling lady to call and tell us when his surgery will be because wonderful Sherita who has to be notified of everything and schedule appointments for Joel since its workman’s comp failed to fax the specialist the workman’s comp insurance information before she went home last night! Geesh! She had all of their information too because I got yelled at for emailing it to Brandon who passed it on to Greg who sent it to someone else who yelled at me and then sent it to her! Jimmeny Christmas people! Ugh.
I think “Ugh” pretty much sums up what I feel about the whole thing right now.
To top that off Mom’s numbers never spiked high enough for them to harvest cells last week so she had to start over on Sunday! This whole week just sucks, plain and simple. Maybe I just have a chip on my shoulder...lol! Nope, that's Joel! hehe.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
But the greatest of these is Love
So…we have had friends who have done this and it gets frustrating after awhile:
You can’t go bowling with your friends because you “can’t afford it.”
You can’t go out dinner with your friends at an inexpensive restaurant because you “have no money.”
You can’t go to Water World or Elitches or skiing once a year because you “are broke.”
BUT
You buy Windows 7 the day it comes out.
You buy the same CD twice because when you pre-bought it the two extra songs weren’t on it.
You buy a Droid the month it comes out.
Now I’m (not) sorry, but don’t you think your priorities are a BIT messed up? You seem to care more about technology in any form than you do any relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you need to spend money to have a good time, but expecting your friends to buy your dinner every time you go out with them because you “have no money” and then the next time you see them you’re carrying around a new Droid? Come on. Get real. Grow up and get your priorities straight! If you care more about this technology than your friends who are your real friends? The people in your life or the technology in your life?
God tells us to store up treasures in heaven not on earth. What is going to carry over with you to heaven? The people in your life or the technology in your life? I’m not saying I’m not guilty or that I have never done this. What I am saying is that when you choose technology CONSISTENTLY over your relationships with people (spending time with them doing activities that cost a little bit of money) what are you really choosing? You are choosing things over people. You are choosing dust over love.
You can’t go bowling with your friends because you “can’t afford it.”
You can’t go out dinner with your friends at an inexpensive restaurant because you “have no money.”
You can’t go to Water World or Elitches or skiing once a year because you “are broke.”
BUT
You buy Windows 7 the day it comes out.
You buy the same CD twice because when you pre-bought it the two extra songs weren’t on it.
You buy a Droid the month it comes out.
Now I’m (not) sorry, but don’t you think your priorities are a BIT messed up? You seem to care more about technology in any form than you do any relationship.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you need to spend money to have a good time, but expecting your friends to buy your dinner every time you go out with them because you “have no money” and then the next time you see them you’re carrying around a new Droid? Come on. Get real. Grow up and get your priorities straight! If you care more about this technology than your friends who are your real friends? The people in your life or the technology in your life?
God tells us to store up treasures in heaven not on earth. What is going to carry over with you to heaven? The people in your life or the technology in your life? I’m not saying I’m not guilty or that I have never done this. What I am saying is that when you choose technology CONSISTENTLY over your relationships with people (spending time with them doing activities that cost a little bit of money) what are you really choosing? You are choosing things over people. You are choosing dust over love.
Monday, March 22, 2010
My bed
I finally figured out why I don’t like to get out of my nice, warm, cozy, comfy bed in the morning…
First of all it is WARM. I LOVE warm. And consequently hate cold…so to get out of my nice warm bed means I have to get COLD. Since I hate cold I like to stay in bed until I absolutely have to get out of the WARM and into the COLD. I think the transition would be easier if there was a fireplace right next to my bed that magic little elves would light every morning about thirty minutes before I had to actually get out of bed…oh well, I can always dream, right?
Second, my bed is comfy and cozy. It is so comfortable in fact that I think I could stay there for at least twelve hours a day. I love how it “hugs” me (we have a memory foam mattress). It begs me stay. Compels me with its warmth and coziness. Yet, I still have to get out of bed every morning….sad day for me. In fact, I think it is a sad day every day when I have to get out of my nice, warm, cozy, comfy bed.
Third, the quiet of the morning is my favorite part of the day on most days. I can think without interruption. I can brood over things. I can pray. I stay in this warm, calm, peaceful place for as long as possible every morning. When I do make that awful transition into the cold, busy day my mind is clear. My priorities are re-set. I have goals for the day and a list of things to accomplish. I know where my heart and mind are. And I have a peace that passes all understanding…A peace that guides me through my day and reminds me that my “To DO” list is not as important as the people in my life.
I love mornings. I love knowing God is there with me in my nice warm cocoon. I love knowing He is with me throughout my day in that still, small, quiet presence of peace. Peace that passes all understanding.
Yet, I still hate to get out of bed. :)
First of all it is WARM. I LOVE warm. And consequently hate cold…so to get out of my nice warm bed means I have to get COLD. Since I hate cold I like to stay in bed until I absolutely have to get out of the WARM and into the COLD. I think the transition would be easier if there was a fireplace right next to my bed that magic little elves would light every morning about thirty minutes before I had to actually get out of bed…oh well, I can always dream, right?
Second, my bed is comfy and cozy. It is so comfortable in fact that I think I could stay there for at least twelve hours a day. I love how it “hugs” me (we have a memory foam mattress). It begs me stay. Compels me with its warmth and coziness. Yet, I still have to get out of bed every morning….sad day for me. In fact, I think it is a sad day every day when I have to get out of my nice, warm, cozy, comfy bed.
Third, the quiet of the morning is my favorite part of the day on most days. I can think without interruption. I can brood over things. I can pray. I stay in this warm, calm, peaceful place for as long as possible every morning. When I do make that awful transition into the cold, busy day my mind is clear. My priorities are re-set. I have goals for the day and a list of things to accomplish. I know where my heart and mind are. And I have a peace that passes all understanding…A peace that guides me through my day and reminds me that my “To DO” list is not as important as the people in my life.
I love mornings. I love knowing God is there with me in my nice warm cocoon. I love knowing He is with me throughout my day in that still, small, quiet presence of peace. Peace that passes all understanding.
Yet, I still hate to get out of bed. :)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
No House but Hope
We learned on Monday the bank was starting the bid for that house roughly $100,000 more than we were willing to pay for it. Needless to say, we did not bid on it. Good news though, neither did anyone else! However, in it going to auction we learned that there is another loan on the house. This means either one bank will “buy out” the other bank so they own the house completely OR there will be a long drawn-out legal battle over which bank owns the house. Long story short, it is a GOOD thing we didn’t get the house.
I do have one last story to share about the house though:
After learning the starting bid was so high Hubbin and I decided to go to the Chinese food place for dinner. We were somewhat disappointed, but not too much. The starting bid was so high that there was no way we would even consider bidding on it. If the starting bid would have been close to what our high bid was going to be I think it would have been a lot more difficult for us to walk away from it. Anyway, we talked and had a great dinner of yummy food (I’m getting hungry just thinking about it). Then the fortune cookies came. Here, I will just show you what they said, it will be easier…
Do you think God is trying to tell us something? Because we certainly do!
God works in mysterious ways, eh?
We learned a lot through the whole process and even though I don't know why that house was so heavy on my heart I do know there was a reason for all of it.
I do have one last story to share about the house though:
After learning the starting bid was so high Hubbin and I decided to go to the Chinese food place for dinner. We were somewhat disappointed, but not too much. The starting bid was so high that there was no way we would even consider bidding on it. If the starting bid would have been close to what our high bid was going to be I think it would have been a lot more difficult for us to walk away from it. Anyway, we talked and had a great dinner of yummy food (I’m getting hungry just thinking about it). Then the fortune cookies came. Here, I will just show you what they said, it will be easier…
Do you think God is trying to tell us something? Because we certainly do!
God works in mysterious ways, eh?
We learned a lot through the whole process and even though I don't know why that house was so heavy on my heart I do know there was a reason for all of it.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
House...and other things
Monday, March 8, 2010
I have waited SO LONG to see the inside of that house. I’ve been dieing to see the basement and look at the whole house from the INSIDE for a LONG time! Well, I have now seen it and to be honest, I’m kind of disappointed. The basement is not finished (except for two bedrooms, one of which is actually an office because there is no window in the room), just cement and a furnace. The main floor needs a LOT of work: the kitchen needs new cabinets and counters, two of the three bathrooms need to be gutted and completely redone while the other needs a new toilet and vanity. Yet, I’m excited! We found no water damage, no mold, no ceilings falling down, no holes in the floor, and the carpets don’t look too bad, they just need a good cleaning. The house is nothing fancy, but it is in the country, it has GREAT views, and it comes with 15 acres! Honestly even if the house needed new carpet and had some water damage or needed a new roof, I would STILL be excited about it!
Is it sad that I can look past piles of old toys and clothes left behind (and a huge teddy bear) when the old owners were forced out of their home to see potential in a house? Is it wrong that I walk right past old dolls and beer bottles with thoughts of “this room only needs paint, “the house comes with a free ladder that will actually reach the roof,” and “that desk looks like the one Mom has in her basement?” I have prayed for that family before, but walking through the house I had not ONE thought of them. Is this wrong? Is this normal? Is this ‘ok’? Or should I be praying for them more often? If we are to truly “love our neighbor as ourselves” shouldn’t thoughts like that go through my head at least once while I am in their old house? The house that the bank now owns and has up for auction next week? The house that has sat empty for the last six months? The house that used to be their home? Its difficult looking at a house that way, but I do pray they are ok. I pray they are recovering from whatever it is that happened to them. I pray they know the Lord and are leaning on Him.
But I am also praying a selfish prayer: I pray that house becomes our home. I pray the eyes and ears and minds of the investors at the auction are closed and distracted so we get the house at a miraculously low price. I pray this house will truly be a miracle house from God. I pray we will be good stewards of that house. I pray protection over that house so no one (else-since we were just inside it today) will be able to get into it. So it doesn’t get destroyed before it is sold. I pray even if we don’t get it that there are no major problems with it. I pray it is a blessing to whoever gets it (but oh, how I want it to be ours!). I pray and pray and pray. I trust God. I know He has good plans for us. Plans for a hope and a future, not plans to harm us (and we won’t be harmed at all if we don’t get that house, just disappointed a little). Yet it weighs on me constantly. So I pray and pray and pray. What is it with this house, Lord? Why is it so heavy on my heart? If you are reading this please join with me in my prayers…Pray this house will be covered in the presence of God. Pray it is covered in His heavenly protection. Pray the investor’s eyes and ears are closed. Pray the investor’s minds are confused and distracted at the auction so they miss bidding on this house. Pray that we will have hope and trust God with this house-whether we get it or not. But no matter what, our hope is in God, not this house. He knows what is best for us and we trust Him in this.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
After talking to the lady at USBank on Tuesday I was confused…do we go through Gail and have to wait 30-90 days, do we go through Dad and have to wait 6 months to a year, do we go through Dad and wait 30-90 days….it was all confusing and frustrating. So we called Justine Bartlet. If you ever need to set up a mortgage to purchase a house or you want to refinance please please please go see Justine. After talking to her we figured out not only EXACTLY what we are going to do (if we get the house), but also why we were so confused after talking to the lady at USBank…she was trying to sell us a loan, but Justine actually wanted what was best for us and helped us figure that out. (Thank you Justine!)
Now begins the waiting game…we wait until Monday to find out if the house is even going to go up for auction on Wednesday. IF it is up for auction Wednesday then we will find out what the starting bid is. IF the starting bid is in our price-range then we have to get off work Wednesday to go to the auction. IF we are going to the auction there are so many little things to get done and figure out before then. IF the house does not go up for auction on Wednesday then we get to try to figure out why and see if the bank will let us buy it from them without an auction. IF that happens there is a whole different set of things to figure out. Long story short there are a whole TON of “ifs” right now and a whole lot of waiting.
In other aspects of life, I’m pretty sure B is done being our friend just like D is (except D has been that way since January). While this stinks, I am ok with it. I said everything I wanted to say to her last Friday and if she is still choosing to not be our friend then that is HER decision. I can find better people to spend my time with. :)
I’m hosting a Pampered Chef party on Sunday! It should be lots of fun, but I am having trouble getting people to come…so if you read this and want to come please let me know!
I have waited SO LONG to see the inside of that house. I’ve been dieing to see the basement and look at the whole house from the INSIDE for a LONG time! Well, I have now seen it and to be honest, I’m kind of disappointed. The basement is not finished (except for two bedrooms, one of which is actually an office because there is no window in the room), just cement and a furnace. The main floor needs a LOT of work: the kitchen needs new cabinets and counters, two of the three bathrooms need to be gutted and completely redone while the other needs a new toilet and vanity. Yet, I’m excited! We found no water damage, no mold, no ceilings falling down, no holes in the floor, and the carpets don’t look too bad, they just need a good cleaning. The house is nothing fancy, but it is in the country, it has GREAT views, and it comes with 15 acres! Honestly even if the house needed new carpet and had some water damage or needed a new roof, I would STILL be excited about it!
Is it sad that I can look past piles of old toys and clothes left behind (and a huge teddy bear) when the old owners were forced out of their home to see potential in a house? Is it wrong that I walk right past old dolls and beer bottles with thoughts of “this room only needs paint, “the house comes with a free ladder that will actually reach the roof,” and “that desk looks like the one Mom has in her basement?” I have prayed for that family before, but walking through the house I had not ONE thought of them. Is this wrong? Is this normal? Is this ‘ok’? Or should I be praying for them more often? If we are to truly “love our neighbor as ourselves” shouldn’t thoughts like that go through my head at least once while I am in their old house? The house that the bank now owns and has up for auction next week? The house that has sat empty for the last six months? The house that used to be their home? Its difficult looking at a house that way, but I do pray they are ok. I pray they are recovering from whatever it is that happened to them. I pray they know the Lord and are leaning on Him.
But I am also praying a selfish prayer: I pray that house becomes our home. I pray the eyes and ears and minds of the investors at the auction are closed and distracted so we get the house at a miraculously low price. I pray this house will truly be a miracle house from God. I pray we will be good stewards of that house. I pray protection over that house so no one (else-since we were just inside it today) will be able to get into it. So it doesn’t get destroyed before it is sold. I pray even if we don’t get it that there are no major problems with it. I pray it is a blessing to whoever gets it (but oh, how I want it to be ours!). I pray and pray and pray. I trust God. I know He has good plans for us. Plans for a hope and a future, not plans to harm us (and we won’t be harmed at all if we don’t get that house, just disappointed a little). Yet it weighs on me constantly. So I pray and pray and pray. What is it with this house, Lord? Why is it so heavy on my heart? If you are reading this please join with me in my prayers…Pray this house will be covered in the presence of God. Pray it is covered in His heavenly protection. Pray the investor’s eyes and ears are closed. Pray the investor’s minds are confused and distracted at the auction so they miss bidding on this house. Pray that we will have hope and trust God with this house-whether we get it or not. But no matter what, our hope is in God, not this house. He knows what is best for us and we trust Him in this.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
After talking to the lady at USBank on Tuesday I was confused…do we go through Gail and have to wait 30-90 days, do we go through Dad and have to wait 6 months to a year, do we go through Dad and wait 30-90 days….it was all confusing and frustrating. So we called Justine Bartlet. If you ever need to set up a mortgage to purchase a house or you want to refinance please please please go see Justine. After talking to her we figured out not only EXACTLY what we are going to do (if we get the house), but also why we were so confused after talking to the lady at USBank…she was trying to sell us a loan, but Justine actually wanted what was best for us and helped us figure that out. (Thank you Justine!)
Now begins the waiting game…we wait until Monday to find out if the house is even going to go up for auction on Wednesday. IF it is up for auction Wednesday then we will find out what the starting bid is. IF the starting bid is in our price-range then we have to get off work Wednesday to go to the auction. IF we are going to the auction there are so many little things to get done and figure out before then. IF the house does not go up for auction on Wednesday then we get to try to figure out why and see if the bank will let us buy it from them without an auction. IF that happens there is a whole different set of things to figure out. Long story short there are a whole TON of “ifs” right now and a whole lot of waiting.
In other aspects of life, I’m pretty sure B is done being our friend just like D is (except D has been that way since January). While this stinks, I am ok with it. I said everything I wanted to say to her last Friday and if she is still choosing to not be our friend then that is HER decision. I can find better people to spend my time with. :)
I’m hosting a Pampered Chef party on Sunday! It should be lots of fun, but I am having trouble getting people to come…so if you read this and want to come please let me know!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Fear-Faith-Trust
With G&L having left it only feels right to address the topic of fear.
Fear at its best is an annoyance. Plaguing the mind with worry and the heart with constant anxiety. At its worst, fear is crippling. It grips the very soul, steals joy, and sucks life right out of you. Fear can become a phobia or remain simply an irritation. But is it possible to do away with fear completely?
In Max Lucado’s book “Fearless” he talks about getting rid of fear by talking about it:
“You must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.” Pi from “Fearless” by Max Lucado.
The world may describe “fearless” as jumping out of an airplane with a parachute when you are deathly afraid of heights, or standing up for yourself at work instead of allowing your boss to walk all over you yet again, or going back into a burning building to save the three-year-old screaming from her second-story bedroom. But how should Christians define “fearless?” Should we have the same definition? Or should we define “fearless” as “complete trust in God?” Although the former sounds easier (at every step in the road) the latter is the correct answer…Complete trust in God, although the most difficult thing to accomplish on this earth is well worth it. Complete trust in God knows no bounds, has no fear, and is full of joy. Complete trust in God has no need to control any part of their lives because they know the Maker is in complete control.
Putting your fears to words, voicing that which haunts you is a scary thing. But this is what MUST be done to rid yourself of whatever fear holds you down. Speak your fear and watch its powerful hold over you melt away.
In watching G&L leave I have had my faith stretched just a little bit more. I have had to make that choice to TRUST God with one more thing (well two things if you’re technical, lol). To Trust that G&L heard Him tell them to go. To Trust that they will be fine when they are down there. To Trust that they will come back better people because of this experience. To Trust that God will make clear to them if they are to go back for a longer period of time after they return. To Trust that nothing will happen here that we cannot handle without them. To Trust that we can support them in this and still feel a little bit of sorrow at them leaving. To TRUST that HE is in CONTROL of not only their lives, but ours as well.
In watching Mom struggle through the last year my faith has been stretched. In walking through life with friends who abandoned us my faith has been stretched. In watching Mom and Dad struggle to make their relationship work during this time my faith has been stretched. Faith, Trust, grows during the tough times. Faith, Trust soars during the best times. Without valleys we never come to mountaintops. No matter where you are on this journey allow God to stretch for faith and grow your trust in Him. SPEAK YOUR FEARS AND WATCH THEM MELT AWAY!
Fear at its best is an annoyance. Plaguing the mind with worry and the heart with constant anxiety. At its worst, fear is crippling. It grips the very soul, steals joy, and sucks life right out of you. Fear can become a phobia or remain simply an irritation. But is it possible to do away with fear completely?
In Max Lucado’s book “Fearless” he talks about getting rid of fear by talking about it:
“You must fight hard to express it. You must fight hard to shine the light of words upon it. Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless darkness that you avoid, perhaps even manage to forget, you open yourself to further attacks of fear because you never truly fought the opponent who defeated you.” Pi from “Fearless” by Max Lucado.
The world may describe “fearless” as jumping out of an airplane with a parachute when you are deathly afraid of heights, or standing up for yourself at work instead of allowing your boss to walk all over you yet again, or going back into a burning building to save the three-year-old screaming from her second-story bedroom. But how should Christians define “fearless?” Should we have the same definition? Or should we define “fearless” as “complete trust in God?” Although the former sounds easier (at every step in the road) the latter is the correct answer…Complete trust in God, although the most difficult thing to accomplish on this earth is well worth it. Complete trust in God knows no bounds, has no fear, and is full of joy. Complete trust in God has no need to control any part of their lives because they know the Maker is in complete control.
Putting your fears to words, voicing that which haunts you is a scary thing. But this is what MUST be done to rid yourself of whatever fear holds you down. Speak your fear and watch its powerful hold over you melt away.
In watching G&L leave I have had my faith stretched just a little bit more. I have had to make that choice to TRUST God with one more thing (well two things if you’re technical, lol). To Trust that G&L heard Him tell them to go. To Trust that they will be fine when they are down there. To Trust that they will come back better people because of this experience. To Trust that God will make clear to them if they are to go back for a longer period of time after they return. To Trust that nothing will happen here that we cannot handle without them. To Trust that we can support them in this and still feel a little bit of sorrow at them leaving. To TRUST that HE is in CONTROL of not only their lives, but ours as well.
In watching Mom struggle through the last year my faith has been stretched. In walking through life with friends who abandoned us my faith has been stretched. In watching Mom and Dad struggle to make their relationship work during this time my faith has been stretched. Faith, Trust, grows during the tough times. Faith, Trust soars during the best times. Without valleys we never come to mountaintops. No matter where you are on this journey allow God to stretch for faith and grow your trust in Him. SPEAK YOUR FEARS AND WATCH THEM MELT AWAY!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Maybe I shouldn’t be offended, but I am
Disclaimer: I was going to go back and change this so its not as nasty or revealing, but I decided against it...I was after all very angry (and I still am) and since I had good reason to be, I left it.
The events of the weekend just make me MAD. I cannot tell you how angry I am at my “friends” right now. Every single one of them blew me off this weekend and then turned right around and expected (that’s right, EXPECTED) me to give up something in my life for them.
Now, I think I am a reasonable person...If something comes up and you tell me you aren’t going to be able to make it to whatever we have planned together I will be understanding. If you call and change the time to a bit later I will accept it and move on...sure, I may be a bit (ok, sometimes a LOT) disappointed, but I get over it. But everyone has a line, and mine was reached this weekend...
I can take being “sloppy seconds” to someone you consider more important in your life. After all, the world does not revolve around me and I am not the most important person in anyone’s life except my Hubbin’s. But “sloppy fifths?” Really, really? I mean so little to you that I have to wait FIFTH in line for your time? Why am I wasting MY time on you if you don’t even really care about me? And then YOU have the audacity to be upset with ME when I am mad because you made me wait FIVE TIMES for you! Excuse me? Get over yourself! I can find better places and better people to spend MY time with than you. Yep, that’s right, I said it. You are not some GREAT person that I HAVE to spend my time with. You see, you made me ANGRY!
I am SICK and TIRED of being your “sloppy FIFTHS” and then you expecting me to make you the most important person on my schedule. Again, GET OVER YOURSELF! Next time you ask me to stay and spend time with you instead of leaving to spend time with someone else I WON’T DO IT! Next time we make plans I am going to CHANGE them on YOU FIVE FREAKIN’ TIMES and see how YOU feel!
I am blown away that you have done EXACTLY what you said you would never do because you know how it feels. Too bad you LIED. Too bad you don’t really care. Too bad...we could have been lifelong friends...too bad. YOU fail at life and need to enjoy it!
Oh, I know this all sounds a bit harsh, but that is how I really feel right now. Maybe sometime in the future I won't feel this way, but right now I do. Right now I feel like s doormat that has been hung on a line to dry and never returned to its place...even a doormat has a job!
Moving Forward:
Mom is starting the process for her bone marrow transplant. There is an informational meeting tomorrow afternoon, so I will know more then, but for now She will be going in for various tests in preparation and will be home through the weekend...don’t know after that.
Hubbin’s parents, Glen and Linda (G&L from here on out), are leaving for Haiti on Wednesday afternoon for three months! Although exciting it is also a bit scary...L is my go-to person for all medical information and with Mom going through the transplant I will miss having her constant advice. G is my fun relief from it all. No matter what the situation he is always able to make me smile (much like his wonderful son). They will be missed, but the people of Haiti need them more than we do right now. If you are in the praying mood please pray for their trip and that all technology will work with them so they can communicate with us when they are gone.
Hubbin and I are still working on our house, maybe we will tackle to bathroom in a few weeks. For now, the stairwell and hallway need painting and the baseboard in the kitchen needs to be attached...life goes on. :)
Hubbin and I are hoping that house on 47 turns into our house….please be praying about this as it is up for auction on the 17th. We won’t be able to get inside to look at it until the week before it goes to auction, but we will have to start the process of getting the loan the beginning of next week in case we get it at the auction.
Until a few months ago Hubbin and I were very happy with the community God had placed around us-family and friends who were there through thick and thin. Now with our friends out of the picture and G&L leaving for three months we kind of feel “alone in the world” (that is a little overdramatic, but you get the point). Please pray that God will raise up a community around us once again as walking through life alone (or with just each other) is not an easy task...that, and we both feel we have so much to give and no one to give it to. Please pray that Hubbin’s heart will be open to this because after the events of this weekend he is hesitant to let anyone else in to his life (and rightfully so).
I guess this concludes my ranting and raving for now...there might be a different kind of post later today or tomorrow.
The events of the weekend just make me MAD. I cannot tell you how angry I am at my “friends” right now. Every single one of them blew me off this weekend and then turned right around and expected (that’s right, EXPECTED) me to give up something in my life for them.
Now, I think I am a reasonable person...If something comes up and you tell me you aren’t going to be able to make it to whatever we have planned together I will be understanding. If you call and change the time to a bit later I will accept it and move on...sure, I may be a bit (ok, sometimes a LOT) disappointed, but I get over it. But everyone has a line, and mine was reached this weekend...
I can take being “sloppy seconds” to someone you consider more important in your life. After all, the world does not revolve around me and I am not the most important person in anyone’s life except my Hubbin’s. But “sloppy fifths?” Really, really? I mean so little to you that I have to wait FIFTH in line for your time? Why am I wasting MY time on you if you don’t even really care about me? And then YOU have the audacity to be upset with ME when I am mad because you made me wait FIVE TIMES for you! Excuse me? Get over yourself! I can find better places and better people to spend MY time with than you. Yep, that’s right, I said it. You are not some GREAT person that I HAVE to spend my time with. You see, you made me ANGRY!
I am SICK and TIRED of being your “sloppy FIFTHS” and then you expecting me to make you the most important person on my schedule. Again, GET OVER YOURSELF! Next time you ask me to stay and spend time with you instead of leaving to spend time with someone else I WON’T DO IT! Next time we make plans I am going to CHANGE them on YOU FIVE FREAKIN’ TIMES and see how YOU feel!
I am blown away that you have done EXACTLY what you said you would never do because you know how it feels. Too bad you LIED. Too bad you don’t really care. Too bad...we could have been lifelong friends...too bad. YOU fail at life and need to enjoy it!
Oh, I know this all sounds a bit harsh, but that is how I really feel right now. Maybe sometime in the future I won't feel this way, but right now I do. Right now I feel like s doormat that has been hung on a line to dry and never returned to its place...even a doormat has a job!
Moving Forward:
Mom is starting the process for her bone marrow transplant. There is an informational meeting tomorrow afternoon, so I will know more then, but for now She will be going in for various tests in preparation and will be home through the weekend...don’t know after that.
Hubbin’s parents, Glen and Linda (G&L from here on out), are leaving for Haiti on Wednesday afternoon for three months! Although exciting it is also a bit scary...L is my go-to person for all medical information and with Mom going through the transplant I will miss having her constant advice. G is my fun relief from it all. No matter what the situation he is always able to make me smile (much like his wonderful son). They will be missed, but the people of Haiti need them more than we do right now. If you are in the praying mood please pray for their trip and that all technology will work with them so they can communicate with us when they are gone.
Hubbin and I are still working on our house, maybe we will tackle to bathroom in a few weeks. For now, the stairwell and hallway need painting and the baseboard in the kitchen needs to be attached...life goes on. :)
Hubbin and I are hoping that house on 47 turns into our house….please be praying about this as it is up for auction on the 17th. We won’t be able to get inside to look at it until the week before it goes to auction, but we will have to start the process of getting the loan the beginning of next week in case we get it at the auction.
Until a few months ago Hubbin and I were very happy with the community God had placed around us-family and friends who were there through thick and thin. Now with our friends out of the picture and G&L leaving for three months we kind of feel “alone in the world” (that is a little overdramatic, but you get the point). Please pray that God will raise up a community around us once again as walking through life alone (or with just each other) is not an easy task...that, and we both feel we have so much to give and no one to give it to. Please pray that Hubbin’s heart will be open to this because after the events of this weekend he is hesitant to let anyone else in to his life (and rightfully so).
I guess this concludes my ranting and raving for now...there might be a different kind of post later today or tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)